Death...

My dad's wife was supposed to give birth to my little half-brother several days ago and the doctors were getting antsy. She went in on Friday morning for them to break her membranes and then went home. She went back to the doctor on Saturday morning for her check-up and found out that he no longer had a heartbeat. The doctors have been inducing her since yesterday evening (over 24 hours ago) and she still hasn't delivered him, but hopefully she will be done within the next few hours. Knowing how bad I feel, I can't even imagine how terrible it must be for her to have to spend all that time to deliver her first baby, a stillborn.

I've briefly read some of Sherwin B. Nuland's How We Die, thinking that it might help, but it's hard to focus right now. Another good book that I might read is Elisabeth Kubler-Ross' On Death and Dying-- it explains the five stages of death: denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

My little sister left me a message this morning asking that I pray that Jacob will be alive when he is finally delivered because we need a miracle right now. Although I had finally managed to gain my composure, that message did me in. Here's my nine year-old sister going through denial herself, not quite ready to accept our brother's death that came before he was even born. I even caught myself thinking that maybe, just maybe, he really will be okay and there was just a malfunction with the heart monitor...

When Your Baby is Stillborn, though short, gives some information and references.
The American Pregnancy Association also has a short, helpful page.